Being Called American Isn’t The Ultimate Compliment You Can Give Minorities

In a continuation of the number one most asked question towards me ever, my Languages of Communication professor was going around the table last week, asking every minority “where they were from”.

“Well, I’m from here-“ I started.

“Right” he laughs, “From Colorado or something, right?”

“…But my family is from Hong Kong.”

This has become my answer crafted from years of being subject to the gamut of everything from “what ethnicity are you?” to the even more eloquent “what are you?” 

My answer to the pervasive race question is hopefully the simplest form of describing the nuance of being a hyphenated American; I’m born and raised in America, but yes, my family originates elsewhere. 

By the way, how much do you love my professor’s subtly demeaning joke of being from Colorado or something, as if, of course hon. You’re an American too.

I hope I’m not giving off the wrong impression- I’m not saying the opening statement “Well, I’m from here,” as some sort of sorry preface, some sort of apology or frantic measure birthed from anxiety that I might be labeled as a “foreigner”. I am not desperately seeking an American pass or trying to distance myself from my international peers. I say it because it’s true, and because so often the reality of minorities being born and raised in America is overlooked.

The problem is that people do automatically assume when they look at me that I could not have been born in America. The idea of being Asian American is a far and away concept in many minds. This misconception seems to follow me consistently. While lugging around a duffle bag one morning in uptown Manhattan amidst the chaos that was Hurricane Sandy, I walked past a man who murmured, “I see you’re not from here”. We exchanged words. You’ll find that when you actually talk back, more often than not, the instigators don’t really have much else to say. Still worried about confrontation? Just think about it this way, if someone has the gall to approach you with deprecating words, they have already blown the doors wide open and breached the lowest form of discourse. You’re free to say whatever you want to them! Don’t let people get so comfortable with their words.

I don’t ever want to be labeled as just American. The experience of being Asian American is special and cannot be understood by any other group, just as every diaspora has their own distinguishing experiences and culture.

On the other side of the spectrum, some believe that being called American is the biggest compliment you could ever give a minority (see my post On Ni Hao and Being Asian in America), as if Congratulations! You are now so assimilated that we can initiate you into sacred club of being American.

During a recent cab ride I was asked the standard “What race are you” once again, and answered my standard “My family is from Hong Kong”. A lengthy conversation later, the cab driver asked my name.

“Stephanie”

“Oh, you have an English name!”

“Yeah. I was born here,”

“Ah, you’re American then!”

“I’m Chinese American,”

“Nah, you’re American.”

“I’m Chinese American.”

I give you that conversation full verbatim because it was just kind of hilarious and ridiculous.

I don’t want your backwards compliment of just being American! It’s not a compliment! Being American is not the be all end all of every immigrant family’s journey. It’s not every minority’s goal to become so assimilated as to pass. I press the fact that I am Chinese American because it is true, and I am proud! And if that means I have to be pretty specific in my reply to the “race question”, then so be it.